Pissing Off Blaise
by ArsenalReal14
Summary: Blaise Zabini has to be calm and not get mad for 1 hour. Parvati does whatever it takes to piss him off. A LOT OF SMALL DICK JOKES!MAJOR OOC!


Pissing off Blaise

Parvati walked into Hogwarts Library. She looked around, hoping to find her sister Padma so that she could help her with her homework. She frowned. Padma was probably in the Slytherin Dungeons in the boy's dorm with her boyfriend Theodore Nott. She could go down there, Padma told her the password, but she didn't want to see the bitchy Slytherin girls.

Parvati walked around the library until she saw Blaise Zabini sitting by himself at a table with books all over. She grinned. Blaise is sooo much fun. Parvati loved arguing with Blaise, most of the time, when she's bored or when Lavender is busy snogging Ron, she would hunt him down just to argue with him. He had a hot temper and Parvati loved to make him angry.

She marched over to him and slammed her hands on the table. She smirked when she saw Blaise jump and look up at her in surprise.

"Oh. Hello, Parvati," Blaise said calmly. "Do you need anything? Help with potions, perhaps?"

Parvati stared at him in shocked silence. When she found her voice, Parvati said, "What? No, 'what do you want you daft bint?' 'Hi, Gryffinwhore.' And my favorite, 'Theo gets the smart twin, why do I get dumb one?'"

Blaise shrugged. "No. I don't want to insult you."

There is definitely something wrong with Blaise. "All right, where is Blaise Zabini and what did you do to him?"

"I'm right here. Nothing changed."

"What happened to you, Blaisey? You're not yelling at me and we're not getting kicked out of the library and having a yelling match in the middle of the hallway." Parvati was concerned. She didn't like Blaise but she thought they were at least friends.

Blaise sighed calmly when he saw her concern. "This is my relaxation and calm hour. Dumbledore said, I needed to control and anger and temper. He says, I never had a father in my life, and that's why I'm always angry... Anyway, every day in the afternoon, I have to stay calm and not get angry for an hour."

"Does it work?"

"Yes, I'm pretty content right now."

Parvati grinned to herself. "Sooo... I can say anything to you and you won't yell at me?"

"Basically."

She smirked and said, "Your mother is a whore."

Blaise shrugged and nodded. "Well... She has been married several times."

"Your slutty mother tried to fuck my dad last year."

"She tried to fuck Theodore Nott's father last year too," Blaise said casually.

"She almost made my parents get a divorce."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Your mother is a bigger slut than Pansy Parkinson's mother."

"Hmmm... I wonder why the other mothers haven't kicked her out of their circle yet. They did that Pansy Parkinson's mother, you know?"

"Pansy Parkinson has saggy breast!" Parvati said and instantly covered her mouth. She always wanted to say that, but not to Blaise.

"I agree. And I think everyone in Slytherin will agree with you."

"I think you're fucking Pansy Parkinson!"

"You're wrong, there," Blaise laughed. "And that's disgusting."

"You know what they say about black men?" Parvati asked.

"Theres a lot to say about black men, but what is it?"

"That they have big dicks."

"Yeah, and..."

"Yours is small!"

Blaise laughed. "Draco said that too when we were changing in the locker room... I wonder why he was looking..."

Parvati held up her pinky. "See my pinky?" He nodded. "Your dick is smaller than my pinky!"

"I don't think that's physically possible, Parvati."

"Your dick is so small the Ministry of Magic filed it as a missing person!"

"If it was missing, wouldn't I temporarily be a girl?"

"Your dick is so small, Hermione had to take an anatomy class to see if it was possible!"

Hermione, who was studying nearby with Ron and Harry, looked up.

"Sorry, Hermione." Parvati blushed.

"There's an anatomy class at Hogwarts?" Blaise asked with interest.

Parvati grinned. This is too much fun. "Your dick is so small Harry, Ron, and Hermione thought it was the Sorcerer's Stone!"

The trio looked up in confusion.

"I didn't know the Sorcerer's Stone looked like my dick."

"I think you're gay," Parvati said.

"Yes, I am! I am very gay, very happy!"

"Gay guys think you have a small dick!"

"Now, Parvati, I don't think every guy in Hufflepuff has seen my dick."

"Hufflepuff boys have bigger dicks than you!"

Blaise burst out laughing. "You're hilarious, Parvati! Good one!"

"I think you're a girl," Parvati said.

"The last time I checked, I'm a boy."

"Marcus Flint wants to make you his bitch."

Blaise smiled and shook his head. "I don't think Katie Bell would like that idea."

"You're Draco Malfoy's bitch!"

"Other way around, Parvati."

"Did I make fun of your dick yet?"

"About seven times."

"Your mom says you have a small dick!"

"She told you too?"

"Bellatrix says Draco has a bigger dick than you!"

"Parvati."

"Your dick is so small it could be a horocrux!"

"PARVATI!"

"WHAT?"

Blaise stood up and tightly grabbed Parvati's wrist. He glared angrily at her. "The hour is up," he growled tightly and slammed his lips onto hers. Parvati let out a gasp when he pulled away and started dragging her out of the library.

"Where are you taking me?"

"The Slytherin boy's dorm."

"What are you going to do to me?"

He stopped and softly pressed his lips to hers in a gentle but passionate kiss. He smiled when he pulled away, but kept his forehead against hers. Parvati started to blush and tried to come in for another kiss, but Blaise put pressed his fingers to her lips.

"I'm going to take you to my room and show you the size of my dick."

Parvati blushed harder and didn't resist as Blaise lead her to the Slytherin Dungeons.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I had a lot of fun writing this. Read and Review, and thanks for reading. :)<strong>


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